My Side Of The Story
by Cryselephantine
Summary: "The Impossible Astronaut" from River's point of view. Sort of angsty one-shot. River Song-centered of course. Hints of Riverx11


A fic prompt from Tumblr. Or more like, someone requested a fic and that was what happened. I put iTunes on randomizer and got "My Side Of The Story" by JT Hodges and got inspired by her userpic of River Song :D Enjoy xD

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><p>River smiled flirtingly at the Doctor as they synchronised their diaries. She couldn't help the flutter in her stomach as she realized that this one was nearly in sync with her. It might even be a slightly older version, she mused with amusement. It was rare for her to be the "younger" one in this weird relationship they had.<p>

She couldn't help thinking back bitterly at the memory of the confession she'd given to Rory right before _Demons Run_. The man that had been at the epicenter of her universe her whole life was slowly slipping away from her. With each moment they met, she came to dread the next one even more. The moment she would look at those unbearably wise and old eyes and see no recognition. Even the presence of a relatively older version of her Doctor just reminded her glaringly that it was so rare. That most of the times she met him, with her mom and sometimes her dad, he knew less and less who she was, who she came to be thanks to him.

She'd read somewhere a testimony from one of the numerous people the Time Lord had helped.

_"Being touched by that man is like standing close to a comet. It is magnificent and you leave with a new unshakeable belief that your life would have been somewhat bleak without that experience. But at the same time, it is like standing close to a comet. Sometimes, a stray morcel of meteor will come your way and for all the extraordinary experience it is, it might be one of the most dangerous positions you will ever be in, because you know that you might not get out of it unscathed."_

It rang true in her heart and mind, but still. She would never exchange it for anything. He had been at the origin of so many things in her life. She couldn't even imagine what the world would have been like without the Doctor.

She was startled out of her musing when Mummy asked the Doctor what the plans were. She had to school her expression quickly when she heard him talk about the Lake and their picnic. Powerful, gut-wrenching dread and denial stormed into her. No, this couldn't be. Please, no!

Keeping an even face, she supressed the urge to cry out and tear up. Of course. Of course, this had to happen. It was a fixed point in time. The Time Lord in her knew this couldn't be prevented. She would only be able to witness the murder of the only man that ever had gained access to her heart and soul.

She had to congratulate herself as her internal turmoils didn't appear on her at all and they all set out for the Lake. She made herself laugh and smile and flirt with the Doctor as they lounged around on the shore.

She stayed half-frozen as the astronaut suit walked out of the waters to stand on the shore as the Doctor joined it quietly. She flinched violently at each shot and restrained Amy, not caring about the tears that fell freely on her cheeks. Her mind blanked as she saw the serene face of her beloved, laying there, dead. Gone. He was gone. Forever.

When she came back to herself, she was shooting at the suit, even while knowing that if she wounded it or even killed it, she would only erase herself. But that didn't really register. Nothing really did. She turned back and looked down at Amy crying on the Time Lord's unmoving chest.

She looked on, jaw clenched, as Rory sent the burning boat into the Lake. She was emotionally exhausted and wanted nothing more than go back to Stormcage and cry herself to sleep. But she stayed where she was, they all did. They stayed there looking solemnly as the remains of the Doctor went up in flames.

A stray thought came to her and she looked down at the blue enveloppe in her hands. This was the Doctor's last wish. They were his friends. They did as they were told.

The impossible moment when the Doctor walked out from the lavatories, with his slight smile broke her heart and mended it all at once.

"Oh this is cold! Even for you!" She heard herself say, willing her voice not to waiver.

But inside, she already knew what was to come. Inside she was screaming and crying. Bloody Doctor and his stupid stunts. Her heartbreak just fuelled her determination. They were the Doctor's friends. They did as they were told.

_The End_


End file.
